Beyond The Vagina: What be This Creature Called Woman?

What Be This Creature Called Woman?

The above is a million dollar question and not even the men of old have found the correct answer. Women too, have failed. But men through the ages, in their life’s journeys have discovered a response to the subject in question and therein, also, rested the solution to many of their problems. To them, a woman is that which is made up of three parts:Vagina, Breast (backside inclusive) and hips and all the other parts can be summed up in some way into the three.

It is amazing how a man can live with or be around women and be totally oblivious about the female anatomy. How many times have I heard guys say, “You women have issues. I am so glad I’m a man!” And somehow you people think we’re sad because we’re female and bleed from our lady parts every month? Okay, yeah, I admit that we do have issues but it all comes with the packaging and we have learnt to accept ourselves the way we are and are dealing with our ‘peculiarities’ well enough. But what we don’t need is the sons of Adam making it difficult for us when they can easily try to understand that we are a little bit more complicated than they are. They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Well, I have neither been to Mars nor Venus but I can tell you that men are like that simple and straight 100meter race that begins at a point and ends at another. While women are as complex as a game of football—twenty-two players on the field, a referee and linesmen breathing down your neck, a ball that just won’t stay in one place, two goal posts, a field full of grass that stretches out forever and all the madness of running round and trying to make a score. Get the picture now?

Okay, I know you still don’t. So let me help you.

WOMEN ARE HORMONAL

We produce estrogen, progesterone, testosterone and other hormones all the freaking time. Yes, I said testosterone. It doesn’t belong to you guys alone, though we can’t compete with you in that department. But all the other hormones affect our bodies and our brains and to some extent (depending on the individual) affect our moods also. I had to put this down first so you would understand where I’m going to next as I concentrate on the female and her body.

THERE IS A PATTERN

Based on her hormonal alterations, a woman has mood changes that make her want certain things at different times of the month. If a man is able to read these changes carefully, he would see that her sensitivity, sensuality, energy, emotions and logic have their moments and he would learn to enjoy the many different faces she presents to him. Like most female animals, women have a time in their cycle when they are most fertile and have strong sexual urges. I think the term for it is ‘heat’. It usually comes about ten days after their menstruation begins when there is a surge in estrogen and testosterone. Then, a week after that, an increase in progesterone (the nurturing hormone) would make a woman prefer cuddling to sex. She is more relaxed at this moment and she just wants to stay in and have her man hold her while she watches a movie or while they talk. When this progesterone level drops days after, she becomes irritated by little things, she’s also weepy and temperamental and it is at this point that PMS sets in. Shortly after that, just a day before her period starts again, her bad mood reaches a high and may drop considerably or remain in that state until the period ends.

DON’T JOKE WITH THE PMS

It is not an act we put up to piss people around us off. It is called Premenstrual Syndrome, defined as the physical and or psychological symptoms women go through just days before their period comes. To some women, it is no biggy as their symptoms are mild but for others, it is a terrible time. They get bloated, become irritable, have mood swings, are short tempered, become clumsy, have weight gain, are fatigued, suffer migraines, tender breasts, become antagonistic and very bitchy. Brothers are warned not to press the wrong buttons during this time.

WOMEN NEED FOREPLAY

Now, having read the above, you should be smart enough to conclude that the female body is not always tuned up like the male’s. She is not always in the mood to go all the way. Ever heard the phrase “I just want to cuddle”? She’s not pushing you away. She just wants to cuddle. But if you’re smart and sensitive enough to understand ‘womanspeak’, you would know that she just told you, “you don’t expect me to just let you in like that. I need more from you because I’m in a very mushy mood.” Foreplay does not only prepare her physically but psychologically too, and with women, they need both to go all the way.

OUCH! THAT HURTS

Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! Ooooh…more boobs! That’s how you guys see it but to us, they are sensitive body parts. I would never understand men’s fascination with the female mammary glands but I guess that’s the way God intended. However, I wish He had sent down a user manual. And it should be something like this: Fragile. Sensitive. Handle with care. Flattens with time. Do not wring. Do not try to pluck out from base. Do not chew. Leave some for the next generation.

SHE IS WITH CHILD, DARN IT!

So many things happen to a woman during pregnancy. There is an increase in hormones and a decrease in brain size. Yes, you better believe that. But it doesn’t mean she becomes dumber; and have no fears, it returns back to normal after the baby is born. However during the nine months, she goes through a lot of emotional, psychological and physical alterations and they can make her go really crazy. Some women have a pretty normal pregnancy but ‘normal’ should be taken with a pinch of salt here. It is a crazy time for women and they need support from the men in their lives.

THE SIXTH SENSE

I kid you not, women do have it and it is called Intuition. Maybe it’s because we are more in touch with our feelings and are sensitive about the world around us that we tend to see things men often overlook, and with time, we form a pattern in our brains that enable us predict the future or sense that something is off. Now, the thing about this intuition phenomenon is that it doesn’t turn us into seers or prophets; it is basically a complex brain work and can be honed with the power of observation. However, some people believe it is spiritual and a special gift from God to women because we are supposed to be nurturers by nature. Whatever it is, whenever your woman tells you she senses something, give her an ear. It could be her sixth sense at work.

NOT ALL WOMEN PMS

Like all of God’s creations that are different in their own ways, He made women differ from each other too. PMS is something some lucky women have never experienced before. And oh, I envy them. That being said, those women are still women and when they are pissed off or burst into unnecessary tears, they expect their men to understand that they’re just having an emotional moment and need a shoulder to cry on. They don’t need being asked, “are you PMSing or are you on your period?” Yes, that is so infuriating! Even for those of us who have PMS issues. Our menstrual cycle does not control us. We can be as logical and straight thinking as you can be.

WEIGHT ISSUES

Of course, we do have those. Even if we go to the gym everyday and come out looking like Beyonce, we still feel one or two places need a little more slimming, so it doesn’t help when you notice our little love handles and have something smart to say about them. We are beautiful creatures and that is all we need to be told. We already have each other to make us feel fat and ugly.

YOU’RE NOT THE MAN

I am going to stab my ladies in the back with this one and I hope they forgive me. What I want to share is one of women’s best kept secrets and it has worked well for us because men are a very clueless species. According to studies, only 30% of women orgasm during sex. Shocked? So what about the other 70%? Are they faking it? Probably. But as a guy, you’re sure you felt her clench really hard and moan out, right? And you were there thinking she came and you did pat yourself on the back for a job well done. *shaking my head slowly at you with a sad smile*. She used the age-old trick of clenching her Kegel muscles to give you the feel of an actual orgasm. She probably didn’t make it there. But don’t’ feel bad. That may be how she is wired. Not all women get there by the real act. There is that little button called the clitoris that has 8,000 nerve endings connected with 15, 000 nerve fibers and it reigns supreme in the land of the V. Find out what percentage your woman belongs to and discover what works better for her by asking her and taking time with foreplay. You didn’t create sex and neither did the sex movie industry. Make your rules, enjoy it and you’ll be the man!

Phew! Finally, I got through this  in one piece. This is a little out of my style (writing non-fiction about my gender, I mean) but I’m glad I did it.

In conclusion, I just want to add this last secret and it applies to every woman irrespective of her hormonal background. We just want to be respected and loved just like you do. Okay, maybe a little more. And we love lots of attention. And chocolate. And a littlepresent once in a while. Add this to whatever drama that comes along with the territory and you have the complete feminine package. It is as simple as that!

So, back to the question: what be this creature called woman? I have no idea still. I’m just as clueless as you are.

The Lie Women Tell About Sex

I was having a conversation about cheating and this guy said to the group: “Women do not like sex the way men do, that’s why they don’t understand cheating.” That got me momentarily confused.

Contrary to the above statement, the truth is that lot of women are into sex. Some of them even have higher sex drives than their male partners. I began to wonder… why do men feel this way? Why do they believe that their sex drive is way higher? Do they not understand that the pleasure of sex transcends the male organ? This led me to conclude that some men have been lied to by some women.

The Nigerian society is one that shies away from sex talk. It is like a forbidden topic, but when men go at it, society tends to consider it more tolerable. As a result, a lot of women have this subtle orientation that talking about sex makes you look promiscuous. When they meet men they like, a lot of women cannot speak up about what their fantasies are. They are silent about their wants and desires and because of this a lot of men just believe women do not want or need sex the way they do.

Why do so many women allow this sex lie to be part of their lives, instead of sharing and having the best sex life ever? There are many reasons.

Some of them want to feign innocence. After all, you can’t be the perfect wife material if you know all the sex moves in the world, can you? How dare the mother of his children want to be tied to a bed post and worn out? How dare she even tell him that she touched herself in a spot where he hasn’t explored and it was the best ever? But thing about it, who are you fooling?

Another man said once that he cannot see himself trying “ungodly styles” on his wife. He believed it to be disrespectful. He claimed that such sex positions and styles are what you have a girlfriend for- the “other woman” who can be disrespected. I responded to him by saying: “I would love my husband to disrespect me, please.” How can my husband not be sexually free with me? This does not justify cheating, but this is the reason he will see you as sexually stuck up. If you cannot be free with your husband, he in turn will not understand how to suggest or be free with you.

The way most women get aroused may also be a factor in the perception many men have of our sexual needs. When men get aroused, the famous hard-on happens. Some men know how to tuck neatly so the next person doesn’t see a bulging crotch. Other men do not know how to achieve this. A lot of women on the other hand get a throbbing sensation and the fountain of love erupts but who besides the woman knows this? She can lie her way out of the situation and the only way the man will know she is lying is if he puts his hand in her glory to feel the moistness.

Some women use all their strength to control themselves when they are alone with a man they are sexually attracted to. You as a man may look at her as uncomfortable around you, but in most cases it is actually the manifestation of her efforts to manage her intense sexual reaction to you. The sad part is you will never know unless she tells you.

A lot of women even lie about touching themselves. Society frowns on masturbation, they say. 90 percent or more of this same society have a go at it. How do you know what you like, if you do not explore what you have? It’s easier to publicly come out and condemn than it is to own up to acts that fulfil your sexual needs.

My personal belief is that just because women generally can control themselves when they are sexually aroused more than men can, doesn’t mean women do not want to shag like rabbits. Most women usually love to attach emotions to their sexual escapades which is why they are seen as monogamous by nature. When they stray from this expected “natural phenomenon” they are looked at as “hoes”.

Do I think women do not like sex the way men do? No, I believe a lot of women love it just the way a lot of men do; some even more. I just believe more women lie so they are not labelled “bad”. If you are one of these women you will never enjoy the full pleasure sex was meant for.

The lies women tell about sex need to end. No matter how shy they are, most women can find the man that makes them let go. It is not compulsory that you publicly declare your love for sex, but let it be known by your sex partner at least.

I mean, who wouldn’t love the lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets?

Nigeria, Mexico, Indonesia and Turkey billed the world’s next economic giants by Goldman Sachs Economist, Jim O’Neill

Jim O’Neill, the Goldman Sachs economist who coined the now famous acronym BRIC (Brazil, Russia, India & China) in his 2001 Goldman Sachs report “The World needs better Economic BRICs” has coined a new term to describe the world’s next economic giants – Mexico, Indonesia, Nigeria & Turkey (MINT). According to him, the MINT could become the new name on people’s lips, and further overturn the old world order.  O’Neill is particularly  bullish on Nigeria;  a nation of young, vibrant, natural entrepreneurs despite its history of corruption, crime, and mismanagement.

In a new column for Bloomberg View, O’Neill wrote on the MINT economies as a potential new investment destination for global investors:

I spent last week in Indonesia, working on a series for BBC Radio about four of the world’s most populous non-BRIC emerging economies. The BRIC countries — Brazil, Russia, India and China — are already closely watched. The group I’m studying for this project — let’s call them the MINT economies — deserve no less attention. Mexico, Indonesia, Nigeria and Turkey all have very favorable demographics for at least the next 20 years, and their economic prospects are interesting.

Health Benefits of Lime

The health benefits of lime include weight loss, skin care, good digestion, relief from constipation, eye care, and treatment of scurvy, piles, peptic ulcer, respiratory disorders, gout, gums, urinary disorders, etc.

The first fruit that comes to our minds when it comes to medicinal uses is perhaps the good old lime. This sour citrus fruit can do what many specialist medicines cannot. Lime, bearing the scientific name Citrus Aurantifolia, is being used for ages for treatment of various ailments.

Lime is consumed throughout the world in sorbets, beverages, refreshing drinks, pickles, jams, jellies, snacks, candies, sugar boiled confectionaries and culinary and the oil extracted from its peel or skin is extensively used in soft drink concentrates, body oils, cosmetics, hair oils, tooth pastes, toilet and beauty soaps, disinfectants, mouth washes, deodorants and innumerable other products. There are many varieties of lime found all over the world, particularly in the tropical and the Mediterranean climates.

Let us have a glance over the benefits and medicinal uses of lime.

Scurvy: Lime is so famous as a cure for scurvy, the disease which is caused due to deficiency of vitamin-C and characterized by frequent infections with cough and cold; cracked lips and lip corners; ulcers in tongue and mouth; spongy, swollen and bleeding gums etc. that now a days even a child can tell you that. Since its cause is deficiency of vitamin-C, its remedy is none other than vitamin-C, and lime is blessed with this vitamin. In olden days, soldiers and sailors were given lime to keep safe from scurvy, which was a dreaded disease then. Even now, it is distributed among the workers working in polluting environments like those working in furnaces, painting shops, heat treatments, cement factories, mines etc. to protect them from scurvy.

Skin Care: Lime juice and its oil are very beneficial for skin when consumed orally or applied externally. It rejuvenates the skin, keeps it shining, protects it from infections and reduces body odor due to presence of a large amount of vitamin-C and Flavonoids, both of which are class-1 anti oxidants, anti biotic and disinfectants. When applied externally on skin, its acids scrub out the dead cells, cures dandruff, rashes, bruises etc. and gives you a refreshing bath if its juice or oil is mixed into your bathing water.

Digestion: Lime has an irresistible scent which waters the mouth and thus aid primary digestion (the digestive saliva floods your mouth even before you taste it). Then the acids in it do the rest. While they break down of the macro molecules of the food, the Flavonoids, the compounds found in the fragrant oils extracted from lime, stimulate the digestive system and increase secretion of digestive juices, bile and acids and also stimulate the peristaltic motion. This is the reason behind having lemon pickle with lunch and dinner is an age old practice in India and some of its neighboring countries.

Constipation: Primarily, the ample of acids present in lime helps clear the excretory system by washing and cleaning off the tracts, just like some acids are used to clean floor and toilets. Then the roughage in it is also helpful in easing constipation. But it is mainly due to high acids. An overdose of lime juice with salt also acts as an excellent purgative without any side effects, thereby giving relief in constipation.

Peptic Ulcer: In addition to vitamin-C, lime contains special compounds called Flavonoids (Limonoids such as Limonin Glucoside) which have anti oxidant, anti carcinogenic, anti biotic and detoxifying properties which help healing of peptic and oral ulcers.

Respiratory Disorders: The oil, containing Flavonoids and certain oils, extracted from lime is extensively used in anti congestive medicines such as balms, vaporizers, inhalers etc. due to presence of Kaempferol. Just scratching the peel of a lime and inhaling it gives immediate relief in congestion and nausea.

Eye Care: Vitamin-C again! Its anti oxidant properties protect eyes from aging and macular degeneration. Flavonoids help protect them from infections.

Gout: There are two main causes of Gout. While the first reason is accumulation of free radicals in the body; the second is accumulation of toxins, primarily uric acid. Now, limes can help you with both of these. It is a reservoir of anti oxidants & detoxifiers (vitamin-C & Flavonoids) which free radicals as well as detoxify the body.

Gums: The root causes of gum problems are deficiency of vitamin-C (Scurvy, which gives bleeding and spongy gums) and microbial growth. Sometimes, the ulcers and wounds from bones, hard objects etc. are also the causes. In all of these, limes can help you. Its vitamin-C cures scurvy, Flavonoids inhibit microbial growth and potassium and Flavonoids help heal ulcers and wounds.

Piles: Since lime helps heal up ulcers and wounds in the digestive system and excretory system and gives relief from constipation too, it eradicates all the root causes of piles.

Weight Loss: A glass of warm water with a full-lime juice in it is an excellent weight reducer as well as a brilliant refresher and anti oxidant drink. The citric acid present in lime is an excellent fat burner. Just have two glasses a day and see the remarkable result within a week.

Urinary Disorders: The high potassium content of limes is very effective in removal of the toxic substances and the precipitates deposited in kidneys, urinary bladder and its disinfectant properties help cure infections in the urinary system. It also stops prostrate growth (very common in males above 40) and clears blockage of urine due to deposition of calcium in the urinary tract.

Other Benefits: It is a good appetizer and digestive. It helps cure arthritis, rheumatism, prostrate and colon cancer, cholera, arteriosclerosis, diabetes, fatigue, heart diseases and even very high fever (in contrary to popular belief). The best part of it is that it has no side effects.

Oprah Winfrey awarded highest civilian honour by President Obama

President Obama yesterday Nov. 20th presented talk show legend and media mogul Oprah Winfrey and 15 others with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, which is America's highest civilian honor. The award is given to individuals who have made "meritorious contributions to the security or national interests of the US, to world peace, or to cultural or other significant public or private endeavors.”

President Obama called Oprah "the pinnacle of the entertainment universe," as he put the medal on her neck. Former President Bill Clinton, country star Loretta Lynn, women's rights activist Gloria Steinem, baseball legend Ernie Banks and astronaut Sally Ride also received the award yesterday. 

Actress Nadia Buhari In Tears By Her Boo Jim Iyke's

 Romantic Gesture For Her Birthday Trip Around The World [Photos]

Who knew that Nollywood actor Jim Iyke could be so romantic.They traveled round the world yesterday to mark the Ghanian actress – Nadia Buari’s birthday and they had so much fun.

They further had a private dinner and according to Jim Iyke, Nadia cried all through – tears of joy! According to the star's tweet, he organised a private dinner at an exclusive Spanish restaurant for his pretty girlfriend, Ghanaian actress Nadia Buhari. See his tweet and more pics below after the cut:

Nigerian businessman Tony Elumelu makes $123million in 3 weeks

According to Forbes Africa, former United Bank for Africa (UBA) Managing director, and chairman of Heirs Holdings, Tony Elumelu made $123million in just three weeks. Wow! Read below...

From Forbes

It’s just paper gains, but it counts. Nigerian banker Tony O. Elumelu has become at least $123 million richer between November 1 and November 21 as shares of Transcorp PLC, a Nigerian-Stock Exchange-listed conglomerate, surged 186% in that period.

Transnational Corporation Of Nigeria, usually referred to as Transcorp, is an emerging conglomerate holding investments in hotels, power and agriculture. On November 1, the company’s stock was trading at N1.87 ($0.01), and at the close of trading today (Thursday), the stock was trading at N5.35 ($5.35). According to an analyst who did not want to be quoted, there has been an unprecedented demand for Transcorp’s shares at the bourse on account of the company’s recent acquisition of the Ughelli Power plant, a strategic power generation company that the government recently sold in a privatization exercise.

Transcorp PLC, under Elumelu’s leadership, acquired the plant for $300 million. Transcorp officially took over the plant on November 1. Investors are scrambling for the stock in anticipation of the long-term impact the new acquisition will likely have on Transcorp’s financial results.

Elumelu began gobbling up shares in the company in April 2011 through his wholly-owned proprietary investment vehicle, Heirs Holdings. In September 2011, he was appointed chairman of the company, promising to diversify the company’s business interests and deliver value to shareholders – promises he seems to have delivered on. He currently owns over 5.7 billion shares of the company (5,745,890,693 to be exact, according to Transcorp’s latest corporate filings), held in his own name and via Heirs Holdings, equating to a 22.26% stake, making him the company’s largest individual shareholder. His shares in Transcorp alone are now valued at N30.7 billion or $188 million.  A representative for Elumelu could not be reached for comment at press time.

Elumelu made his fortune by acquiring a small, struggling Nigerian commercial bank and building it into the United Bank of Africa Group, a leading financial services institution with operations in several African countries as well as in New York and London. He stepped down as the bank’s CEO in 2010 to focus on investing in African businesses through his private investment vehicle, Heirs Holdings and to groom Africa’s next generation of business leaders through his Tony Elumelu Foundation.